David ([info]david__talbot) wrote,
@ 2006-09-13 23:32:00
Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend  Next Entry
Death on the Ganges
They reached to the sky, the sea of mourners, the clear crystal silence of the night now shattered by their symphonic wailing. They writhed with timeless misery, beating their breasts, pulling their hair, their faces washed with grief. Their eyes were as red as those gazing back at me from my mirror of despair. He was so young. He was so very young.

The beauty of the river became perverse to those who knew him. It was now frightful to those who loved him. The river that gave life now consumed it, lapping at the shrouded body that succumbed to its waters - so young - weighed upon the woven raft like flesh and blood turned to stone. The Ganges yawned and breathed him in. He was lost to them, and tears fell for every moment to be endured without him.

Candles floated upon the rippling surface, following the course of the gentle current, lighting up the path to eternal darkness. Farewell, young one. Each flame was a kiss goodnight.

Each flame was a burning truth. A truth that burned me. A vanquished soul that thrived on my remorse. And in those brief moments I suffered the oppression of all the remorse I had denied myself, bearing the whole on my shoulders and falling beneath its weight. He was so young.

Reckless thief. From his perch upon the garden wall he had spied the artefact glistening through the glass of my window. From his perch upon the garden wall he had clasped his hand as though the treasure already rested in his palm. I awoke to the sound of his heart, lurching with satisfaction, that this gift, fashioned by his ancestors and stolen by the hand of an Englishman would be restored to a child of its creators. This emblem of his past would end the suffering that had fashioned a sinner from the child he had been not so long ago.

I caught his bloodied wrist as it burst through my window, his broken fingers flailing. He begged for his life, but it was already claimed. By the time I drew him through the glass and to my body, he knew, and his sweet surrender begged tears from my cold, unyielding eyes. And still, I could not give them.

Sinners soothe the conscience, but young blood is sweeter, and there are nights when the man you think you know is far too tired and far too old to fight a war that is virtually lost.

And now the sea of mourners parted as I walked amongst them, bearing a sadness from which their humble souls were mercifully immune. Never had I felt such raw emotion. Never had I felt such anguish at having extinguished a young life. A life so very young.

I wanted to linger till the sun rose over the Ganges. I wanted to witness his rebirth with my own eyes. I wanted hope. But in my heart I have always known that hope is a fool’s fancy.

Morning comes and darkness reigns until it’s time to begin again.



(9 comments) - (Post a new comment)


[info]enigmaroolz
2006-09-13 07:21 pm UTC (link)
Inspired writing, if more than disturbing imagery. But then, anyone who forgets that you are a predator by nature now perhaps deserves what he gets. Of course, that is part of your attraction.

It is good to see your writing again. I have missed you. I hope one night that we can chat about the adventure you had during our American summer. I would be most interested to hear of your impressions.

(Reply to this)


[info]nimet
2006-09-14 05:06 am UTC (link)
hmm...every time I start to wonder where you might be you come here and write

(Reply to this)


[info]redleafo2
2006-09-17 10:57 am UTC (link)
My first thought was not to post to your entry but I've never been good at taking my own advice, my second was to word it carefully.
Your tale was touching, frighting and reached a place in me that I thought in the last weeks, even mouths of my life had finally faded away.
But it makes me wonder in the end if you thought it was worth it.
His living breathing life for just a thing, no matter how priceless a thing?
Would you have been so remorseful had he been an older man, but then would his intentions been anymore pure?
Someone can morn another but not regret the action that killed them, I wonder if you could do it over again would you change it?


Grace

(Reply to this)


(Anonymous)
2006-09-24 09:38 am UTC (link)
Very well written - always good to see someone taking the subject of 'the Beast Within' seriously; and I suppose you would know it better than most? It was a pleasure to read.

(Reply to this)


[info]vampvampcool
2006-11-18 04:54 pm UTC (link)
Wow....

(Reply to this)


[info]jennifer_talbot
2006-12-17 07:53 am UTC (link)
I climb your body like a lover.

There is no abbreviated way to explain it.

I will not pretend to float upon you, softness and pliability, staid insistence; I will have what I desire, now. And like any other, David, I desire you. Only you. Stop suffering, my anguish soul. I will you away from all the agony. I will you away.

Stop dreaming that hope is a fool’s fantasy.

Hope is raw like meat; blood and bones and simplicity. Let me take you away. Come with me. Come with me, David. I’ll show you the way.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]david__talbot
2006-12-17 09:59 am UTC (link)
You are a raging fire and I am a flickering candle flame.

Forgive me, darling. I know that I should be the one to show you the way, but I am tired, and I little weaker than you suspect. What you desire is a release. I am shackles, personified. You are wild and beautiful and free. Don't change on account of my hopelessness.

If hope is raw like meat, I do not want it. Give me peace. I just want peace.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)


[info]jennifer_talbot
2006-12-17 06:05 pm UTC (link)
There's nothing to forgive. There never is.

The person I was, she would say, knowing how to love is knowing how to let go. But I can't untangle us so easily. I don't know where I end and you begin.

I went away, remember? I left and you asked me to come back. Would my leaving give you peace? Say the word, I'll be gone before dawn.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)


[info]david__talbot
2006-12-17 08:09 pm UTC (link)
I don't want you to leave, nor have I ever wanted you to leave.

But rather than move forward, my desire to go back, to a time when what passed between was as natural to me as any love or understanding I have ever known.

Peace would be the both of us washing the blood from our hands, and finding purity again, together.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


(9 comments) - (Post a new comment)

Create an Account
Forgot your login or password?
Login w/ OpenID
English • Español • Deutsch • Русский…